This is my 10th year as a pastoral leader; the year that loneliness hit the hardest. When people I led get discouraged or want to move on, I felt I had to be the one encouraging and lifting their spirits up. I even felt I was punished for persevering because everyone who left or moved on seemed to be enjoying life while I’m still facing issues non-stop.
I carried this weariness to Conference and told God that I’ve run out of things to say or do because it is never enough. While watching the missions video in Session 4, God reminded me of Conference 2015 where He broke my heart for people so much that I told Him I’d do anything for this burden, which led me to say yes to leading a campus. The 2015 me was so eager for God to move - so different from the me now.
So in Session 6, I recommitted myself to the Lord. I repented for being calculative and pleaded for God to show that He is real. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw the whole generation responding and interceding. It was like an army rising up and in that moment I knew I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I was blown away that after so many years in ministry I still got to witness the amazing move of God even when I’ve doubted Him. I knew God was revealing that He is real, not just to me, but to every single soul.
Encountering God in that manner has reignited my joy and vision in the student ministry. Suddenly I dare to dream again. All the plans I made after were with inspiration from God - not dread or weariness, but with eagerness that came from the certainty of God’s power.
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